Cheetos and a Taco
by Annamae Tezuka
Summary: When InuYasha and the gang finally complete the Shikon no Tama, the final Jewel shard turns out to be a fake, sending the group on a whirlwind crazy adventure through portals to other anime worlds.
1. InuYasha Land

A huge, slimy tentacle exploded out from under the ground, sending dirt and rocks flying everywhere. It flailed around as though trying to crush something. Trees, houses, everything was quickly turned to rubble, but it seemed as though the tentacle hit everything except the original target. In the middle of a particularly powerful flail, the tentacle suddenly split in two. InuYasha, the cause of the split, landed perfectly on his feet, with Tetsusaiga in hand. Turing to look at the now sliced up tentacle, he said "That's the tenth one of those things attacking these villages! What the hell is going on?"

"InuYasha!" Kagome ran over to him. "We've been looking all over for you!" Kirara, carrying Shippo, a pissed off Sango and a Miroku with his face covered in red handprints, arrived right behind Kagome. "You shouldn't go running off like tha--oh my god what happened here?" Kagome finally came out of her relief for InuYasha's safety to realize that InuYasha was actually the only thing left that was safe and sound; being that the rest of the area had been totally obliterated. Meanwhile, Sango had walked over to the limp tentacle, and was examining it.

"I think I know which demon this tentacle is from," Sango announced, "it seems to be from a Sakana Youkai, a fish demon. But Father said these demons were relatively small. How did it get i _this /i _ big?" Kagome, Shippo, Miroku, and InuYasha joined Sango to try and ponder the mystery. Suddenly, Kagome realized the answer.

"I sense a jewel shard! This demon must have the final shard to the Shikon no Tama!" With this new information revealed, InuYasha smirked.

"Heh! And here I was thinking these tentacles were just good practice. I should have known something was up."

The others stared at him, surprised at this little tidbit of information as well as the last.

"Y-you mean you've seen these tentacles before?" Miroku managed to stutter even though he was as shocked as the others were.

"Yeah, I've been cutting them up since they've been attacking the villages lately. It's probably why they were mostly abandoned. What of it?" InuYasha replied.

Shippo leapt onto InuYasha, practically knocking him to the ground. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? We thought it was a war or something that destroyed all of the Jyuu-machi!"

"Jyuu-machi?" InuYasha asked, confused by the reference.

Miroku sighed. "Yes, InuYasha. These ten towns that are in the little patch of fertile land here between the mountain and the sea are called the Yama to Umi no Jyuu-machi, Jyuu-machi for short."

"Okay, why give them a name?" InuYasha asked, a little testily.

"Who knows? Someone just felt like doing that I guess." Miroku replied just as testily.

"Oh, and where's that coward Myoga?" InuYasha asked, noticing the flea's absence.

"Myoga? Oh, he ran away from here as fast as he could when we saw the first destroyed village and thought a war was going on. Of course, if a war was bad enough to scare him away, this would have made him go impossibly fast...whoa?" Shippo's story of Myoga's whereabouts was cut short due to the fact that the ground beneath him, and pretty much only him, was shaking like someone had turned that spot into a maraca or something, and that ground then started rising. When the shaking stopped and the dust cleared, Shippo was no more than a speck atop a giant fish head, the rest of the body of the Sakana Youkai!

Quickly, the group began to attack. The Sakana Youkai's tentacles were plentiful and everywhere. Sango cut off a few tentacles with a mighty throw of her hiraikotsu, while Kirara used the space that made to her advantage and began to try and rescue Shippo. Kagome's arrows took off more tentacles, and then she called to the others "When I shoot this arrow with a ribbon on it, it should hit the Youkai near the location of the shard!" and shot the arrow with the ribbon on it. The ribbon was a pretty blue color, but that was not the most important factor. The final shard of the Jewel was now pinpointed, but first they had to get Shippo to safety, and Kirara had him on her back and was doing just that. Suddenly, the wounded tentacles began to grow back!

"It regenerates!" Miroku warned them. InuYasha grumbled at how this would just delay them a little, and then promptly began to chop the demon up again. Sango, Kagome, Miroku, and Kirara quickly followed suit, and in five minutes most of the Sakana Youkai's body was little cubed bits of fish. Kagome ran up to the severed fish heat to retrieve the jewel, but as she reached it the head leapt up and swallowed her part of the Shikon no Tama, which only needed that one shard to be complete! Knowing that the Jewel would probably fuse into the completed sphere inside the now quickly regenerating and transforming Sakana Youkai's body, Kagome took an arrow and stuck it down the throat of the demon. She fished around with the arrow for a while, and then drew the arrow out again. Sure enough, on the shaft of the arrow, her necklace with the Shikon no Tama was hanging.

"Okay! I got the last shard!" Kagome yelled to her friends, "we can focus on defeating the Sakana Youkai completely now!" Joining the rest of the group behind InuYasha, they braced themselves as InuYasha executed the Wind Scar, re-cubing the Sakana Youkai.

"Be careful, I'm going to clean up!" Miroku yelled, "Wind tunnel!"

The void was opened, sucking up all demonic debris in its path.

The traveling companions gathered around Kagome, who was quietly holding the Shikon no Tama, which was now a complete sphere. InuYasha, who was next to her, voiced the thought that was in everyone's minds. "Our journey for the Jewel is finally ove-hah?" His expression quickly turned from a solemn and serious one to one of surprise and disbelief in a second as he examined the spherical Shikon no Tama that he had coveted for so long. Pointing to a point on the sphere, he stammered "T-the J-Jewel...S-s-somethin...somethin's wrong!"

Kagome looked worriedly at InuYasha. "What do you mean something's wrong?" she asked, followed by a gasp and an expression to match InuYasha's. The others followed their astounded gazes and then the entire group was staring.

"Why do I suddenly have a weird feeling that the shard in the Sakana Youkai wasn't really a shard of the Shikon no Tama?" Miroku pondered aloud.

"I think you may be right..." Sango told him. Just then, there was a crackling noise, and the green shard cracked off of the rest of the pink Jewel. Glowing, it floated in mid air and stopped in the middle of the ring of friends, who were staring at it, dumbfounded, and began to rotate. Kagome, hit by a sudden instinct, slipped the Shikon necklace back on, while still transfixed to the rotating, glowing, green thing. InuYasha quietly and carefully began to inch towards the midori shaado, the green shard, which was starting to revolve at an increasing rate of speed. Acting on a sudden impulse, he reached out to grab it, but just as he came within five inches of his goal, the shard turned into a ball of light. The ball dropped to the ground, turning into a disk under the feet of the InuYasha gang. And of course, the disk became a portal hole, so they all fell through into another dimension.

NOTE: Kikyo and Sesshomaru fans, I suggest you do not read most of this last paragraph. It reflects the opinions of my friends and of various magazine articles, and yes, Kikyo and Sesshomaru are about to get made fun of.

While they were busy embarking on being transported to another dimension, Kikyo and Sesshomaru appeared. Both were wearing their regular clothes, but had T-shirts over them. Sesshomaru's shirt said 'Pretty Boy: I love my looks more than my chicks', and Kikyo's said 'I'm a bitch that adds confusion to pretty much every episode I'm in'. The two then took off their T-shirts. Sesshomaru immediately whipped out huge vanity table and chair from somewhere, and began a major obsess-fest. Kikyo, on the other hand, started to dance like a crippled monkey doing the disco. The portal-disk-ball-shard thingie grew a sign that said 'WARNING: Portal to another dimension! Do not fall throu--oh wait, a bit late for that, isn't it', then disappeared completely.

Author's Notes:

Yama to Umi no Jyuu-machi – 'mountain and sea's ten towns', literally.

Midori shaado – 'green shard'


	2. Fullmetal Alchemist Land

InuYasha and friends, after what seemed to be an eternity, finally reached the end of the portal hole. Everyone landed safely and comfortably on a patch of soft grass--everyone except for InuYasha. Everyone's favorite hanyou's luck turned sour, since he fell on a gray metal spike.

"YEEEOW!" he shrieked, jumping about ten feet in the air before he came down and landed on something else, half soft and half hard. As he tried to catch his breath, an extremely angry voice growled "get...off...of...MEEE!"

The next minute, InuYasha was airborne for a record third time in five minutes. As he finally landed (to stay for now), the causes of his second and third airborne moments stood before him. The causes were a boy with long, blonde hair in a braided ponytail, and a huge suit of armor.

The boy said "What's the big idea, sitting on us?"

InuYasha retorted "You think I wanted to sit on you? I never asked to be thrown on top of you from a random portal from the Sengoku Jidai to...wherever the heck this place is!"

Both were obviously on the brink of snapping and getting seriously angry. The suit of armor got ready to restrain their companion, and Kagome and the others did the same for InuYasha. That was when it happened---the Ultimate Insults. These fatal insults were thrown at the same time.

"Well, maybe you should watch where you're going, you simpleminded idiot!" yelled the boy.

"Maybe you should listen to what some of us have to say, you shrimpy little runt!" InuYasha yelled at the same time.

There was a terrible silence as the two realized what the other had just said, and suddenly all hell broke loose. Yells of things like "WHO YOU CALLIN SHORT?" and "I'M NOT A SIMPLEMINDED IDIOT" were accompanied by various punches, kicks, and other attacks.

For five long minutes the terrible war raged on, while their companions looked on. Kagome and company and the person in the suit of armor began to talk, and exchange stories. Apparently, the person in the suit of armor was really just technically an empty suit of armor with a soul attached to the inside, a human named Alphonse. His older brother, Edward, was currently at war with InuYasha. This explanation wasn't thorough, however, since Al then had to run over and restrain Ed, who was kicking InuYasha in the rear with his left leg.

"OW! OWWW! WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOUR SHOE, A BOULDER?" InuYasha exclaimed in pain.

Ed, now struggling to get free of his younger brother's grasp and resume full attack again, returned with "For your information, stupid, my leg is made of steel! It's called automail!"

Insults and exclamations continued, and carried on. It was abruptly stopped, however, when Kagome reached into her backpack and brought out the ultimate peacemaking tool--lunch. The two adversaries became quick friends in their quest to satiate their hunger. By the end of lunch, the two groups had learned each other's full story. Ed and Alphonse Elric were two brothers who had tried to resurrect their deceased mother using alchemy. However, the resurrection failed, and thus Ed lost his left leg, and Al had lost his entire body. Ed then attached Al's soul to the suit of armor in exchange for his right arm. Now, Ed was a state alchemist, working for the military. The two brothers were searching for the Philosopher's Stone, which they hoped could restore their bodies to their original state. The InuYasha gang decided to tag along with their newfound friends, the Elric brothers, since they were stuck in a totally different world.

Luckily for the tired newcomers, they were pretty close to Ed and Al's hometown, a small town called Resembool.

The group approached a house, with Ed yelling "We're back!"

The impending result was two wrenches flying through the air. One hit Ed right in the forehead, the other hit InuYasha.

Five minutes later, as they both came to at the same time, they also simultaneously yelled "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?", only Ed added a name, screaming 'Winry' at the end.

A girl that was InuYasha's height with light blonde hair and blue eyes, responded to both, pointing at the one she was talking to as she went. "You're late! You were supposed to be here two hours ago! And as for you," she said, pointing to InuYasha, "you looked suspicious."

"THAT'S ALL?" InuYasha yelled, standing up in rage.

"Um, excuse us. We're very sorry for making Edward and Alphonse late," Kagome said, bowing politely, "but we sort of got lost and bumped into them."

"Oh, that's okay then," Winry said, taking the wrenches back. Five seconds later they were in another head, but it was neither Ed nor InuYasha.

Miroku, who had stealthily crept up behind Winry, now had a wrench in his forehead, a boomerang on the back of his head, and two handprints on each cheek, courtesy of Winry helped by Sango.

"I think you boys should stay outside for a while," Winry said, after inviting Kagome and Sango in.

While Kagome and Sango explained the situation to Winry, the boys all pretty much stayed bored outside. "I'm so damn bored," Ed grumbled.

"Agreed," InuYasha grumbled next to him.

Miroku, who was still treating his wounds from the wrench/boomerang/slaps, said "Why don't you train then? It always makes you feel less bored."

Ed looked up at this idea "Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'm still itching to fight..."

"Heh! Okay then, how about a rematch for earlier? You versus me in a training battle!"

"You're on! Uh, hey, wait, where's Al?" Ed asked, suddenly noticing the absence of his younger brother.

"He's over there, with Shippo," Miroku said, pointing to a nearby tree, where Al's unmistakable metal body gleamed in the sunlight, "and I think I heard some mewing near them."

Ed sighed. "Al loves cats. I guess we'll let him play with it for a while. Anyway, shall we fight, InuYasha?" He smirked in that smirky way that only Edward Elric can smirk. And so, the battle began.

Ed began by throwing a right punch at InuYasha's face. InuYasha, who was taller than Ed by at least a foot, easily dodged this and punched Ed right in the gut, sending him flying. Clapping his hands together, Ed made the ground turn into a giant earthy tentacle like thing, which homed in on InuYasha.

"I'm getting the feeling like this just happened...oh yeah, the damn Sakana Youkai that started this mess!" InuYasha thought aloud, thus barely dodging the earth spike tentacle thing, which went for him again. This time, InuYasha was ready. He transformed the Tetsusaiga and slashed the earth into little earthy bits.

"Sorry, Ed, but I've already perfected a trick for that!" he yelled triumphantly.

"Well then, how about some sword combat?" Ed yelled back, taking hold of a lump of metal and turning it into a sword. Their swords clashed for only two minutes, however, because the girls opened the door and yelled "DINNER TIME!"

It turned out that after explaining the situation to Winry, the girls had talked for a while and become friends. Since they knew at least two of the people outside would be hungry even if they were sitting, they all cooked a feast together. Said feast was soon gone, however, thanks to those that it had been primarily made for. As much as they loved the huge dinner, strangely enough, they found room for dessert. There were three pies, and the portions eaten made it so that Ed got one pie's worth, InuYasha another pie's worth, and the rest the third pie's worth. Everyone was drinking milk, except for Al, who couldn't drink milk, and Ed, who was trying very hard to pretend that the milk wasn't even there, in order to keep the rest of his food down. As Ed crammed a piece of pie into his mouth, there was a loud knock on the door..

"Hello, FullMetal," Roy Mustang said. Ed's look of utter unhappiness to see him usually made him laugh or something, but now he was just standing there, as serious as ever. In fact, Ed noticed, he seemed a little...was it actually fearful?

"I see you have guests," he said to the silent and thinking Ed, gesturing to his new friends.

"Yeah, they were lost so we're helping them out," he replied, "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

Roy looked uncomfortable at the question. "Well, we were going to ask for your assistance in capturing the Homunculus Gluttony, who's been eating random townspeople, but last I heard everything was under control. Since I was already here, I decided to drop by and say hi."

Ed looked hard at Roy for a minute, then said "I'd like to introduce you to my friends, outside though since it's pretty crowded in here." As Ed, Alphonse, and the InuYasha gang left, Pinako walked in.

"Winry, say goodbye," she said, waving herself. After Winry did what she was told, she asked why.

"There is a good chance that they may not return here, for a while, if ever."

"WHAT?"

The ever-wise Pinako explained that she had been talking with Kagome, and that Kagome said she sensed something strange. Also, Ed had said that he might not come back for a while.

"Agh! That JERK!" Winry said, "Why does he have to make us all so worried?" She sniffled. "It's always secrets, secrets, secrets! It's driving me insane!"

Outside, the group assembled themselves.

Mustang said "Well, you were going to do introductions, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right, I was. Everyone, this is Colonel Roy Mustang. Or at least, that's who this cross-dressing palm tree is pretending to be. Isn't that right, i b **_Envy /b /i _**?" Ed growled, kicking the Colonel in the stomach. Being that he had used his left leg to kick, Roy spat out blood, then began to change form.

"What the hell is going on?" InuYasha asked, "is that Naraku?"

"No, who's Naraku?" Al asked, then he quickly explained what was going on. "It looks like one of our enemies, Envy, was pretending to be Nii-san's superior officer in the military. I suggest you get ready to fight, Envy's really ruthless."

Everyone looked to Envy, who was just standing up.

"Wow, so she's pretty ruthless, from what you say?" Miroku asked, "I think she's pretty nice looking, with the hair and the skimpy clothes."

Envy heard this, and when Ed saw the look that Envy gave Miroku, one of insulted surprise, one that was so priceless that he had to transmute a camera to take a picture, he couldn't help but fall on the ground laughing. Envy said to Miroku, with said priceless look on his face,

"I'm a MAN you IDIOT!" Simultaneously with this, Sango routinely bashed Miroku on the head, stopping in the middle as Envy said that. Miroku's priceless face matched the priceless-ness of Envy's, and another picture was quickly taken. After stuffing the two pictures in his pocket, Ed turned to attack Envy, but it was too late. Touching the Ouroboros symbol on his thigh, Envy had made a giant wave of energy, which made a giant hole in the ground. Shippo fell in first, then Kagome and Sango started to fall in; InuYasha and Miroku respectively caught them, thus making them fall in. Envy grinned evilly.

"There we go, now I'm not outnumbered as much, eh, Fullmetal Pip-squeak?"

Ed growled "Don't call me that, you stupid palm tree."

"Chibi-san, pip-squeak, shrimp, shorty, midget, half-pint, bean sprout, runt, etc., all are synonymous wit the name Edward Elric to me. So pick whichever one you want me to call you, o extremely little one."

Ed's temper totally burst, and he started slashing at Envy.

"Now, now, you may as well settle down, shorty, you'll be joining your friends soon anyway."

With that, he pushed Ed towards the pit, but Alphonse blocked his fall, meaning that he fell instead.

"AL! NO!" Ed yelled, reaching futilely for his brother.

"Join him, runt. I don't think he'd want to be stuck somewhere all alone. I mean, come on, what if I found him again and you weren't there?"

Ed paled at the very mention. He didn't want to think about that at all.

"Now that all is said and done, goodbye." Envy hugged Ed in a brief random moment strangely reminiscent of shounen-ai, pecked him on the cheek like a parent sending their child to school, which further made the scene seem like shounen-ai and threw him into the pit.

"What the hell was that for--yaaaaaah!" Ed yelled blushingly at Envy, seeing him for what would probably be the last time in a long time.

"Sayounara, FullMetal Pip-squeak!" Envy grinned and closed up the hole. "Too bad I had to get rid of him. It's so fun messing around with him . I almost hope he comes back."

Meanwhile, Ed was falling down the endless hole, and somehow caught up to his brother, who had caught up with InuYasha, Sango, Miroku, Kagome, and Shippo, so that they all fell through the portal together.


	3. Rurouni Kenshin Land

The falling group came out of the bottomless hole straight into a river. Luckily, although they landed in the middle of this wide river, there was a small island nearby. Crowding ashore, they finally began to look around and take in their new surroundings. There were wooden bridges, cobbled streets, and old-style buildings. The people mostly wore traditional Japanese clothes, although some wore old-style European clothing as well.

"Where are we?" Shippo asked.

"Hmm...This looks like early Japan...like right after the cultural reformation..." Kagome thought aloud.

After noticing that everyone else was now staring at her, she said "What? I have to study this stuff, you know!"

"Okay, but anyway, even though we don't know where the hell we are, how about we find a way off this frickin small island!" Ed grumbled after the questions of 'where are we', 'when are we', and 'why are we here' died down.

Everyone agreed this would be a good idea, since Al took up a lot of room on the already small island, and Sango's hiraikotsu didn't help. Sango had Kirara change from cute kitty to flying battle demon mode, and Ed transmuted a raft out of some of the reeds on and around the island. It was a lucky thing that Ed was skilled enough to not need a transmutation circle, since there was no room on the island to draw one, and chalk would just wash off in the water. Between the two forms of transportation, everyone got safely off the island and onto the bank. Once on the streets, they noticed that everyone was staring and avoiding them, not to mention whispering. Since this would probably hinder the acquiring of the answers to the questions they had, they chose one of them to go and ask. Sango, who looked the most normal, was chosen, and so she went off, leaving her hiraikotsu, katana, and Kirara in the care of everyone else.

Ten minutes and ten thousand stares later, Sango returned successfully. She informed them that apparently they were in the Eleventh year of the Meiji Era, in Tokyo.

"Tokyo?" Shippo asked. "Where's that?"

"Shippo, Tokyo is just Edo with the name changed," Kagome explained.

"Ohhh," Shippo breathed, understanding.

"Uhh, guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but I think we may have a problem." Ed interrupted.

Looking around, Miroku, Al, and InuYasha all said "Agreed," in unison.

The reason soon became obvious to the rest. They were surrounded by a large crowd, and at the front were several police officers holding guns; however, some held swords. Coming through the crowd was the person leading the police, a man with glasses. Following him was a shorter person, a long haired redhead with a cross-shaped scar on their cheek

"Hey, is that a girl or a guy?" Ed asked.

"They would make a pretty girl if it weren't for that scar," Miroku thought aloud.

There was a loud BANG, and Miroku suddenly was on the floor, a huge bump on his head. Sango was holding her hiraikotsu above him.

The man with glasses spoke: "Himura-san, these people have been standing around suspiciously and disturbing the peace, and many have illegal weapons. See? There are a few with swords. What should we do with them?"

The one that he called Himura thought a minute, then asked "Did you ask them what they were doing here?"

"Uh...no...But they have been breaking half of our laws just standing here! We should take them down to the police station!"

As the group was lead away, there were three main reactions. Poor Kagome was melting down and crying, traumatized by being arrested, the Elrics and InuYasha were trying to comfort her, and those of the Feudal Era, also including InuYasha, were saying "Is a 'police station' edible?"

Himura came along to ensure that the group stayed in line at the bespectacled officer's request.

At the police station, things weren't going so well. The police simply wouldn't believe their story about the random portals appearing and transporting them to other worlds. The questioning went on for about an hour, and things almost went to the worst case scenario, if it weren't for two miniature portals opening on the table in front of them, and a snake or something jumping out of one of them and into the others. As an apology for giving them so much trouble, Kenshin Himura, the redhead, invited them to stay with him and his friends. They gratefully accepted.

At Kenshin's home, the Kamiya Dojo, the travelers met Kamiya Kaoru, Sagara Sanosuke, Myoujin Yahiko, and Machimaki Misao. Misao was staying there for a little while before returning to her home at the Aoi-ya in Kyoto. When it was time for dinner, another friend, Takani Megumi, made dinner.

Yahiko, who was sitting next to Ed, told the group "You're lucky. Megumi's cooking is good. Kenshin's is pretty good too, and Kaoru's is…"

"…Horrible!" Sanosuke finished for him; both he and Yahiko quickly earned him a punch from the offended Kaoru. After that, they all said 'Itadekimasu!' and dug in. Ed and Yahiko shoveled food in, and for a moment everyone marveled at how similar the two were. After dinner, they all watched Kaoru and Yahiko practice. Sango tried it, and was surprised how light a bokken and shinai were, as the few times she had used practice swords, it had been long ago. InuYasha also tried it, and happened to stink at it because the swords were way too small and light, as compared to the Tetsusaiga he was so used to using. Once practice was finished, they got out the futons and turned in.

The next morning, everything went pretty smooth. They got up, did stuff, ate, did more stuff. Kenshin was sent to do the shopping, but since the list was so huge, everyone came along, the exception being Megumi, who had to go back and treat her patients at the clinic; although some complained that she was getting off easy, she reprimanded that a doctor's duty was never easy.

As they were shopping, a loud commotion in the street got their attention. When they went to check it out, they found a moving hole. It moved towards them, dodging the other things around it. Things seemed as though the portal wanted them and only them, and nothing else but them. The group split up, ran, and dodged, but still the portal persisted. One by one, the portal triumphed, until everyone was falling down the portal. Kagome was obviously used to it since not only had she gone through this twice before, but she always went through the well, and so was InuYasha. The rest of the Feudal gang were finally starting to get used to it, the Elrics were still pretty shaken by it, and of course the Meiji gang, composed of Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sanosuke, and Misao, were mostly screaming their heads off.

More accurately, Kenshin wasn't screaming, he was only surprised, and Misao just screamed a little at the beginning. Sanosuke screamed, then realized that even the sixteen-year-old Misao stopped, and so he stopped of embarrassment. The same went for Yahiko. Kaoru screamed the most, but she, too, eventually stopped.

Author's Note:

Bokken and Shinai - two types of wooden swords. If I'm not mistaken, Kaoru uses the bokken, while Yahiko tends to use the bamboo shinai.


	4. Tales of Symphonia Land 1

"I'm going to ask a stupid question. Where are we?" Misao asked as she brushed herself off, getting to her feet.

"Dunno. It seems like these portals are randomly opening and transporting us. Envy actually kinda looked surprised when the portal first opened up, like that wasn't his original intent." Ed told her, getting to his feet as well.

"Envy?" Misao asked.

"The jerk that pushed us down a portal, landing us where you were," Ed grumbled.

Looking around, they noticed that they were standing on a large, mostly barren peninsula. In the distance was a green mountain. Hoping that way would lead to civilization, they headed in that direction. However, Kaoru stayed where she had been, staring at the sky, transfixed. Noticing that she hadn't moved, Sanosuke and Miroku asked her if something was wrong, drawing the attention of the others. Kaoru said nothing, but merely pointed her finger at the sky. Following her gaze and finger, they discovered the amazing and bizarre sight before them.

"Whoa!" Yahiko exclaimed.

"Is that a floating city?" Shippo asked.

"How can it be i _floating /i _, though?" Kagome wondered. Everyone else, except for Ed, said something along the lines of Yahiko, Shippo, and Kagome's thoughts.

Finally, Ed spoke, saying, "That's impossible."

"But it's right there," InuYasha told him.

"Yeah, I know. Alchemically, it should be impossible, assuming it's an actual city. But still, there it is…" he replied.

They were all so preoccupied that none of them noticed the black blobs surrounding them. It wasn't until it was too late that their presence penetrated Kenshin's wonder, so when he said "Look out! We're surrounded!", one of the black blobs had already met up with them.

Everything broke apart like the world was being shattered. After the shattering, the scene looked slightly different. Kagome, Ed, Misao, and Sango found themselves alone, the rest of the party out of sight. There was strange background music playing, and on the ground a little ways away was a strange array. There were four pictures: one each of Kagome, Ed, Sango, and Misao, and next to each picture were two meters. One was red with a white number, the other was blue, also with a white number. Above the four's picture was an empty meter. Next to the four pictures were four smaller pictures: two of a Mantis, labeled 1 and 2, and two of a Gold Beetle, labeled 1 and 2. Once they looked up from the array, they figured out why pretty quickly. Opposing them and approaching were the two Mantises and two Gold Beetles. Looking around, Kagome found a bow and a quiver full of arrows. Misao took out her kunai, Sango readied her boomerang, and Ed got ready to alchemically take their opponents out. They decided on a Scatter strategy, with each one fighting a different monster. Sango and Ed took a Mantis, and Misao and Kagome took a Gold Beetle. Although it all happened at once, it seemed that there were four separate battles going on.

Ed's Battle

"A stupid bug? I have to fight a stupid bug?" grumbled Ed, transmuting his right arm into his typical blade. "This'll be over in no time!" He clapped his hands together, and put them on the ground.

"How d'you like this Stalagmite thing?" he called to the Mantis, who made no real answer for pretty obvious reasons. The sign in the sky was Ed's head, simply drawn with a shrimp-style braid, and it said 'Stalagmite'. On the other side of the sign was a kendama. Ed paid no notice to this or the fact that his blue bar had decreased. He did the Stalagmite attack again, then, seeing that the Mantis still wasn't dead, he went in for the hand to hand combat attack. He slashed with his blade a while, making no apparent cuts for some reason.

"C'mon, you stupid thing! Die already! I have to find Alphonse!" he yelled, annoyed. He was actually pretty worried. Alphonse and the rest had gone somewhere, and they didn't know where. Being that Ed cared about Al more than pretty much anything else, this was a problem to him. If anything had happened to Al... i _Okay, I should stop thinking about that. Right now I should be fighting. Fight now, worry more later. /i _ He resolved to do this and thus began the attack again. The Mantis made an unexpected attack while Ed mused, and thus he was thrown backwards a ways and onto the ground.

"Ow...Dammit!" he clapped his hands again. "Die! We have to find our friends, you jerk!" he yelled at the Mantis before he yelled "Spark Wave!" making a huge electrical ball shock the Mantis. After that attack, it finally died.

"Yeah! Take that you jerk!" he said triumphantly. He looked around to see Sango sitting, looking pretty sick. "Sango, you okay?" he asked.

"I've been...poisoned." she told him. Ed's eyes widened.

"Aw crap. Here, I found this." He gave her a Panacea Bottle, and she was fine. They looked to see Misao beating her Gold Beetle and running to help Kagome.

Misao's Battle

Misao looked at her opponent. The Gold Beetle was fast approaching, and so she got ready to throw her daggers. Suddenly, the beetle flew high up in the air and dove back down, straight at her!

"Ack!" she involuntarily grunted as the surprisingly hard impact came. She was almost knocked down, but not quite. She noticed that the number on her red bar had gone down a little, and the meter had decreased. i _What the...? /i _ she wondered, but her musings had to be cut short as the Beetle went in for the attack again. This time, she dodged it, and retaliated.

" i _Kansatsu Tobikunai /i _!" she yelled, throwing her daggers at the target. Strangely enough, as she did this, she noticed that in the sky, a bar that had a weird picture of her on one side, the words Kansatsu Tobikunai in the middle, and a sword on the other side. In addition, she saw a few numbers appear near the Beetle, then float off. However, it was still alive.

"Dammit! One dagger should have killed it! What the hell is with this thing?" She kicked it a bit, then tried the Kansatsu Tobikunai again. This time, she noticed the blue bar went down whenever she used the Kansatsu Tobikunai, but when she successfully punched or kicked, the bar went back up. She thought the beetle would be long dead, but somehow it still lived.

An arrow whizzed by her head, followed by a "Sorry!" from Kagome, it seemed that she hadn't defeated her Gold Beetle either. In fact, her Beetle seemed to be winning. It went for her again, and so Misao intercepted with another Kansatsu Tobikunai attack.

"Thanks!" Kagome yelled.

"No problem!" Misao yelled back across the field. Out of curiosity, Misao quickly looked to see how Ed and Sango were doing. Seeing that they were still fighting as well, and very engrossed in their fight, she decided she should really pay attention to her opponent. With yet another Kansatsu Tobikunai attack, there was an explosion-like sound, and her opponent faded away.

"Finally," she grumbled, then went over to help Kagome with her problem.

Sango's Battle

_ i This should be fairly easy, considering the fact that this thing seems much weaker than most demons that I've fough /i t_, thought Sango.

"Let's end this! Hiraikotsu!" she yelled, throwing said Hiraikotsu straight at the Mantis. It took a lot of damage, yet did not die.

"That's impossible! That blow should have killed it!" Sango said incredulously. The Mantis attacked her, and suddenly Sango didn't feel too good. Her picture had turned green, and there were greenish bubbles above her head. Furthermore, her red bar was steadily decreasing.

"Damn! I've been poisoned!" She clocked the Mantis on the head, then did another Hiraikotsu throw. The monster finally died. Sango looked around to see everyone else was still fighting, but she was too weak to help out, so she just sat down.

Kagome's Battle

Kagome looked at the Gold Beetle, wondering what she was going to do. She had a feeling that there probably wouldn't be any miraculous InuYasha-style rescues and saves in store for her, so she was pretty much on her own. Which she liked the idea of, it gave her a chance to prove herself. i _I don't really /i _need i _InuYasha saving me. Just because I'm your mostly average teenage girl doesn't mean I can't fight well! /i _ With that, she whacked the Beetle with her bow in anger.

"Time to take care of this!" she said, seeing that Sango was already using her boomerang to clock the Mantis she was fighting on the head, and Ed was doing something with clapping his hands together and making things happen. "Purifying Arrow!" she yelled, and to her surprise she saw in the sky what she had just said, along with her face. A split second later, Misao's face came on with 'Kansatsu Tobikunai'. Kagome shrugged, getting back to the matter at hand. She performed several more 'Purifying Arrow' techs, but still the Beetle didn't die, event though it really should have died on the first arrow. She reached for another arrow, since the supply seemed endless, but was horrified to find out that there were none left!

"Oh no!" she exclaimed. She saw that her blue bar was almost completely depleted, with only 1 of whatever the bar represented left. Desperately, she attacked with her bow to fend off the enemy, and, seeing that doing this also replaced the blue stuff one by one, to replace her blue meter. In a last desperate flash of inspiration, she checked her quiver to find that it had once again replenished. i _Thank goodness! /i _ she thought, relieved, then began the barrage of arrows.

The Beetle dodged the first one, and it almost hit Misao. "Sorry!" Kagome yelled quickly, before resuming with a vengeance. She finally cornered the darn thing, and saw Misao running over to give her backup just as she shot the final arrow, and thus the battle was won.

Kagome said "That should teach you to mess with us!" as the winning comment, and everything returned to the way it was before the world was shattered into battle mode.

"Al! You're here! Where have you been?" Ed said, relieved that his younger brother was safe.

"What do you mean, Niisan? We've been here all along. It's you we should be worried about, we saw the entire battle!"

"Wh-what? You mean you were there all along?" Ed asked, stunned. Al nodded.

"We should get moving," Kenshin said, "The enemies are coming back." They all looked and saw this to be true. Thus, the party moved towards the green mountains that they had seen earlier, hoping to find civilization, and so they entered the Gaoracchia Forest.

In the Gaoracchia Forest, the group got hopelessly lost, wandered around aimlessly, exited exactly where they came in, and entered once again. They continued in a different direction, and avoided most of the monsters, but at one point, Kenshin, InuYasha, Alphonse, and Sanosuke had to fight two Undertakers, a Boxing Iris, and two Ghouls. Due to the fact that it was five-on-four, they had to change strategies from the first battle. Sanosuke took on the Boxing Iris, as it seemed like the punching kind of monster, and actually he took a pretty long time defeating it. The Iris was tough, but then, so was he, and his punches won over. InuYasha and Kenshin each took an Undertaker, since they were the hardest. InuYasha took care of his first, even though he got taken into the coffin on the Undertaker's back. That proved that Kaze no Kizu was a powerful attack. Kenshin's various Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu techniques and speed meant that he only took about one hit, but since he kept dodging, it took him longer to take his opponent out. Al had to take on both Ghouls, and did a very good job of taking one out, but the other one had come up behind him when he was finishing off Ghoul number 1. Luckily, Sanosuke was nearby, and stopped momentarily his fight with the Boxing Iris to save Al from taking a Critical Hit.

Al took over from there, and he defeated the final enemy, meaning he said the victory quote: "Niisan! Look! I did it!"

After the battle, they continued to be hopelessly lost. Eventually, after walking on paths that repeated themselves as long as you continued forward, but put you back on the right path of you backtracked, running away from oncoming monsters, being lost, really being lost, and really really being lost, they found another exit. There was a road nearby, and this was a good omen to the lost and tired travelers, who stuck to the road like glue to paper, avoiding all blobs that came their way. The group stayed to the road so much, in fact, that they passed a small town on the water, Sybak, the University Town. Unknown to them, it just so happened that there was another group of travelers that were just coming from that town that saw the lost group, and decided to follow them. However, they remained unnoticed as everyone passed by Sybak and went on to the Grand Tethe'Alla Bridge.

"Man, this bridge is long!" InuYasha grumbled impatiently. For the past hour, the group of lost companions had trudged across the Grand Tethe'Alla Bridge, and in that hour it seemed to them like they hadn't gone any farther now than when they had started. The bridge seriously seemed to be endless, as though it continued on eternally like a line is supposed to do mathematically, only this was not a plane. None of them could think of a bridge that was half the length of this mammoth. Everyone thought that they would all be doomed to walk along this bridge forever. Their pace was lagging, and they seemed to be walking in their sleep. Suddenly, the exhausted group halted. The section of bridge in front of them was raised at an angle close to ninety degrees, obviously meaning that it was blocking their way. Kaoru, Kenshin, Yahiko, Sanosuke, Shippo, Sango, Miroku, InuYasha, and Misao were all dumbfounded by this, while Kagome, Ed, and Al all wondered why there had to be a drawbridge up _now_ of all times. The only thing that they could thank the drawbridge for was they could get some much needed rest from walking forever. However surprised they were at finding a drawbridge, they were even more shocked at the ship that the drawbridge was permitting through. A ship that seemed as mammoth as the bridge itself, a huge cruise line ship that said 'Lezareno Co. Altamira Tourist Transport' on the side was passing through, and after five minutes, only the bow had gotten past. The ship's passing took so long that at the end, InuYasha, Kenshin, and Sanosuke had to wake everyone else up so that they could continue. Although the end of the bridge was not too far from where they were, it still seemed a ridiculously long time before they reached it. Walking again onto a road, the travelers thought they saw the outline of a city in the distance, but as they began to head that way to investigate, they were stopped as someone shouted "Stop!", and a group of people surrounded them.


	5. Tales of Symphonia Land 2

"W-what?" Kenshin gasped in response to the strange order.

"Don't pretend to be innocent! We know you're agents sent by Yggdrasill. What are you doing here? What are you planning?" A boy with brown hair and eyes and a bright red shirt said.

"What the hell are you talking about, calling us angels? We don't know any angels and as to what we're doing here, that's something we'd all like to know!" Ed fumed, looking ready for a fight.

However, Al restrained him before he could attack and make things get really out of hand. "Nii-san, please! Maybe these people can help us!"

A blonde girl standing next to the boy in red heard Al's comment, and said to her friend "Lloyd, maybe we have the wrong people. They really do look lost. Maybe we should try to help them."

Lloyd shook his head. "No, Colette. They're probably just acting, to throw us off like that. They must be up to something. They look suspicions, with their large group and weapons."

"Lloyd, we fit the same description that you just gave. That would make us suspicious as well, yes?" a short girl with pink pigtails, starry green eyes, and a giant ax said.

"Presea's right, Lloyd!" a boy Presea's height with long, white hair and blue eyes said.

Lloyd glared at him. "Shut up, Genis!" he snapped.

At this point, Kagome sort of realized that as lost as they were now in this conversation, it wouldn't get any better unless they did something. She raised her right hand in the air, and said "Excuse me! Can someone please tell me what is going on here?" The group surrounding Kagome and her friends looked slightly uncomfortable.

A tall man with long blue hair and shackles said "Lloyd, I think we really may be confronting the wrong group."

"I agree with Regal," a woman that looked like an older version of the boy, Genis, said.

"Oh...well, what do we do now?" Lloyd asked.

"That's mainly your problem, Lloyd! This whole thing was your idea in the first place!" Genis yelled.

"Well, I wasn't excepting this to happen, Genis!" Lloyd yelled back.

"Then allow me to aid you in your decision," a voice said. While this new person's arrival had no real impact on the lost group, their opposition understood perfectly what was going on.

"Kratos!" Lloyd exclaimed, sounding as though he loathed the very word he had just said.

"I know only slightly more about these strangers than you do, but I do know that they do not belong here. Lord Ygdrassil has ordered their elimination, for he thinks the portal that they came through will be, at best, a setback to his plans." the one Lloyd had called Kratos replied.

"And at worst?" Lloyd asked tensely. "At worst, Sylvarant and Tethe'Alla, as well as Derris-Kharlan, will be totally destroyed." This remark made Lloyd and his companions gasp.

"All right, that means we have no choice than to fight them." Lloyd said. He held out his hand to Kratos. "If only temporary, a truce?"

Kratos took his hand. "Truce." For some reason, the people in both parties started pairing off. The lineups ended up being:

Kratos vs. Kenshin

Colette vs. Kagome

Sango vs. Presea

InuYasha vs. Lloyd

Miroku vs. a redhead swordsman

Al vs. Raine

Edward vs. Genis

Misao vs. a girl with black hair

Kaoru and Shippo were the odd ones out, so they didn't have to fight, they just stood back and watched.

While the others began to fight, Misao looked at her opponent and gasped. Her opponent was dressed in the same clothes as her!

"Y-you're a shinobi too?" the girl gasped.

"Sure am! I'm Makimachi Misao!" Misao said proudly.

"I'm Fujibayshi Sheena," Sheena replied. The two girls exchanged the stories of how they came to be here, which was followed by a moment of thoughtful silence.

"We should stop the others, shouldn't we?" Misao said.

"That sounds like a good plan," agreed Sheena. Misao called Kaoru and Shippo over.

"We have to stop the others from fighting!" Misao said. "This is a horrible misunderstanding. Sheena just told us their story."

Kaoru nodded. "Okay, then, let's stop them!"

It took some doing, and, several times, someone was nearly hit by combatants, but eventually all battles were stopped. The two groups learned each others names and stories. The redheaded swordsman, the most pompous of the group, was named Zelos, and he was going to tell their story. However, Lloyd cut in, and told it instead, as he had been involved since the beginning:

The group had started on the world of Sylvarant, as Colette began her journey as the Chosen of Regeneration. Sylvarant had been in decline, with the mana being sapped from the world, and the ritual would make the world flourish again. Accompanied by Lloyd, Genis, Raine, and Kratos, they broke the seals of the world, letting mana flow to Sylvarant once again. Along the way, they were frequently attacked by Sheena, who was trying to assassinate Colette. One night, after joining forces with the others, she explained why she had been trying to assassinate Colette. She was not from Sylvarant, but from an adjacent world, Tethe'Alla, with which Sylvarant vied for mana. If the regeneration happened, Sylvarant would flourish, but Tethe'Alla would fall into decline.

When the group finally reached the Tower of Salvation, where Colette would become an angel and the regeneration would take place, the party discovered that there was more to the regeneration than they had thought. Kratos ended up betraying them, as he was a high-ranked angel under another angel, named Yggdrasill. After various events occurred, the party was transported to Tethe'Alla, where they eventually met Zelos, Regal, and Presea. The party was now trying to find a way to stop the flourish-decline pattern.

The group went to a nearby city, Meltokio, where they began to travel to Zelos' mansion, where they would be staying. However, Miroku and Zelos were whispering to each other with mischief written all over their faces.

"Well, they've become fast friends," Sango said quietly.

"They better not be planning anything," Sheena said, also quietly. After they quickly ate the main course, the two men got up to leave.

"We'll see you later in my mansion," Zelos said.

Later that night, meaning much, much later, Zelos and Miroku snuck in through the front door. Their faces were layered with lipstick, and they were looking shiftily around, hoping nobody would catch them. Unfortunately, Sango and Sheena were waiting for them.

"Been having fun?" Sango asked scathingly.

"I pity those girls you played with tonight. You're just two pervs, wreaking havoc in Meltokio." Sheena said, equally scathing. Zelos and Miroku gulped. They knew they were in for it...

Two minutes later, not only were their faces layered in lipstick, but also covered in boomerang bruises, handprints, and other bumps and bruises. The girls stormed to bed after blowing all that steam off, and, after washing up and treating their newly acquired wounds, the men went to bed as well.

Even later that night, InuYasha woke with a start. He could have sworn he heard a rustling in Kagome's room. Her scent seemed a little weaker. Come to think of it, so did everyone else's. Fearing the worst, InuYasha burst into Kagome's room, where he found...a portal. Falling in, he said "Dammit! Not again!" and was once again transported to another world.


	6. YuGiOh! Land

Author's Note: I'll provide a summary of the last chapter for those who skipped over to avoid the spoilers.

Lloyd and the party make a truce with Kratos (who isn't in the party at the time), in order to combat the growing 'Portal Party', who they believe are their enemies. Misao and Sheena are paired up to fight, but do not because they discover they are both kunoichi. They give each other their stories, and discover that they are not enemies; there has been a horrible mistake. After stopping the others from fighting, they go to Meltokio (city) for the night. Miroku and Zelos become quick friends, and have a night out on the town with the ladies. Later that night, the portals open up, and they fall into the new world.

InuYasha landed flat on his face. He as eagle-spread on the ground, stunned by the shock of falling flat on his face, when two other impacts hit him, knocking the wind -- and almost his consciousness as well -- out of him. It seemed that the impacts were objects that had fallen on him, but InuYasha couldn't investigate the matter any further than guessing, since he couldn't move with said objects on top of him. Eventually, though, the objects rolled off of him, and he was free to move once again. He discovered that the objects were Ed and Yahiko, both of whom seemed dazed, since they were barely even conscious. InuYasha looked around, suddenly realizing that none of the others were with them. They were all alone, lost in yet another different place.

"Er, hey, Ed! ED!" he said, shaking Ed gently to try and get him up. That didn't work, so InuYasha sighed. He said quietly "I really wish I had some SHRIMP sushi right now," making the word 'shrimp' really loud so that hopefully Ed would hear it in his half-conscious state and then his subconscious I-AM-NOT-SHORT mechanism would kick in, waking him up finally. As simple as it was, his plan worked perfectly. InuYasha had barely finished the sentence when Ed snapped awake, looking totally livid.

"WHO CALLED ME A SHRIMP?" he asked wildly, looking around for the source of his anger.

"Nobody did. I was just saying how I wanted ebi sushi right now." InuYasha said, oddly calm for him.

"O-oh. Damn, I overreacted again." Ed said, calming down.

"Ed," InuYasha started seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Where's everyone else?"

"...Wait. Why?"

"They're not here. Kagome's gone, and so is Alphonse. Not to mention everyone else..." Ed's older brother instincts kicking in, he started to get worried. "Are you serious?" he asked, making sure that his friend wasn't just kidding around.

"Ed, look at my face." Ed looked. InuYasha's face was unusually pale. "Do I look like I'm telling a joke here?" Ed realized that this meant that Al was totally vulnerable to the world around him, and he, the older brother, couldn't protect him if he needed it.

"Shit! We've gotta find them! Like, NOW!" The noise woke Yahiko up finally, who blearily opened one eye just as a new voice pierced the air.

"What a motley crew we have here. A mutt boy and two itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini pip-squeak runty midgets." This comment temporarily made Edward forget about the possible peril his brother could be in, as one of the worst short insults he'd ever heard was flung at him. Yahiko, who has a similar temper towards things like that as Ed does, joined Ed in his explosion. However, Ed's came first.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL AN ATOM LOOKS LIKE THE SIZE OF JUPITER COMPARED TO THEM?" he screamed, making the whole place rumble from the noise level of his voice.

Yahiko just said "I'M NOT LITTLE SHUT UP!" in his stead.

InuYasha also blew up. "DON'T CALL ME A MUTT! I'LL SLASH YOUR WHINY LITTLE ASS OFF!" The person who had made the comments was still nowhere to be found. However, a door opened. The three followed that door and the path that it led to, in hopes of finding the person that had insulted them and kicking their ass.

Arriving some time later in a huge room, the three were ecstatic to see that the rest of their group was there. They noticed that the people from Sylvarant and Tethe'Alla were there as well.

"Thank you all for joining me here!" a voice said. Ed, Yahiko, and InuYasha were suddenly on full guard, recognizing that voice as the same one that had insulted them in the first place. The owner of the voice finally did appear. It was Seto Kaiba, but he wasn't in one of his usual caped outfits. Instead, he was wearing a bright pink sparkly spandex jumpsuit, and old English-style ruff, several chunky chains and rings, pink glasses, and a do-rag. Whenever he took a step, he wobbled, because he was wearing really, really, really high heeled shoes. In other words, Seto Kaiba was dressed in a bizarre mix of the eighties, the Shakespearian age, a rapper, a hippie, a gangster, and a crossdresser.

Seto gestured to a cluster of randomly placed seats near a tall potted plant. "Have a seat," he said. Everyone sat down, a little confused. Ed sat next to the plant, away from everyone else. Kaiba then walked to a podium, turned on the microphone, and began to talk. His talk began with something about potatoes, then about how the flashlight killed the spelling bee race, and the rants turned to other, more bizarre subjects from there.

While Kaiba talked his ass off, talking about his greatness, his dueling skills, how to make a tripe omelet, and anything else he could think of, his audience was getting less and less attentive. Ed felt like he was going to fall asleep and die from boredom, when a painfully familiar voice whispered "Hey, shorty!"

Ed jumped, both form surprise at someone talking to him and anger that they called him short, and growled "Who said that?"

"I did, FullMetal Pip-Squeak!" the plant next to him said. Ed realized that the plant next to him was a palm tree a split second before it morphed into, well, a palm tree. Envy was squatting next to Ed, chin in hand, smirking in that annoying way that only Envy could smirk. He was looking especially smug right now, probably because Ed looked as though he had just seen a giant needle the size of the Moon, and a doctor had said "Time for your shot!" His face had paled, and his eyes were as big as the aforementioned Moon-sized needle. However, this expression was quickly replaced by one of pure hatred for the Crazy Psychopathic Lunatic Cross Dressing Gender Confused CrazyPants CrazySkirt SkirtWearing Annoying Jerky Perverted Peeping Tom Insert about 5000 more lines of this kind of stuff to get his name, yes this is the shortened version! Lightbulb Palm Tree.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ed hissed angrily.

"I don't really know," Envy said, still having the smug look on his face. "I jumped in the portal after you to see where I'd go, and met this guy named Naraku. He's a shapeshifter just like me!" he sighed happily. "I never knew I wasn't alone until now," he continued.

"Well, uh, that's..er...freaky," Ed grumbled, not really sure how to react. Envy was about to say something more, but there was a sudden movement, and Envy found himself looking up at Miroku, his hands clasped in the monks'.

"Will you consider bearing my children?" Miroku asked.

Envy actually blushed before his face changed to an expression that quite clearly said 'uh, wtf?' and saying "Uh, I'm a guy."

Ed sniggered, trying to hold back his laughter, but it was taking more effort than it was worth. From the efforts of not bursting out laughing like that, he ended up doubled over laughing, totally unable to breathe for a second or two. Envy glared at Ed, unable to do anything more because he was still trapped in the grasp of Miroku. This problem of his was quickly resolved, however, as a giant bone boomerang whaled Miroku on the head, causing him to get buried into the ground. Sango sighed.

"What are we going to do with you?" she growled. She sat next to Ed, leaving Miroku on the ground. Envy, much to Ed's dismay, also sat down, so that Ed was sandwiched between Envy and Sango. They all looked at Kaiba, who was still ranting. The random Rant Timer said that he had been at it for two hours and six minutes.

After said timer reached two hours and forty-three minutes, Ed was starting to get bored again, and slumped down in his chair. However, he suddenly sat straight up with a squeak. His braid was standing up straight, that's how much whatever made him sit up surprised him. Envy and Sango looked at him worriedly wondering what could be the matter. The answer wasn't too hard to find, for in an intuitive second, Sango found Miroku's lecherous hand on Ed's butt, something that would obviously make him freak out. Her guess was that he had misfired, that this act of perversion was originally intended for her, but even if it wasn't, she was really pissed off now. Miroku earned himself another boomerang to the head, and Envy, after confirming that Ed was okay to be ridiculed, took it upon himself to tease him now.

"Well, well, what's this, Chibi-san? You seem to make a desirable little girl!" he crowed. Ed snarled at the short comments, and was quick with his retort.

"You're just jealous that he didn't do that to you!" Envy looked at him like he was crazy.

"Well, gee, it's obviously plausible since one, your name is ENVY, synonymous to JEALOUSY, and two, he asked you to bear his children!" Ed snapped. Envy, of course, wouldn't let Ed win the insult battle that easily, so the insults, retorts, and whatever else they could think of flew back and forth.

Seto Kaiba finished his rant after five hours and twenty-three minutes on the dot. He looked up to see the reaction of the audience to his entrancing and dramatic performance. Kagome was giving herself a manicure, Misao and Sheena were comparing weapons, InuYasha, Kenshin, Lloyd, Zelos, and Kratos were also comparing weapons, Colette had fallen out of her chair and was laughing optimistically, Presea was staring at the ceiling, lost in a dream or something, Genis was watching Presea, Raine was reading, Regal was looking annoyed at Yahiko, who was drooling, asleep, on his leg, Kaoru and Al were playing with Shippo, and of course, Ed, Sango, Miroku, and Envy were having their exciting events in the corner. Somehow, Seto found this to be a good reaction, and started to bow deeply and formally. This bizarre act caused everyone to look up, and at that moment, a portal happened to open up beneath them. They all fell down, but Kaiba didn't notice. As they were falling, Envy hugged Ed, something that shocked, scared, and pissed him off to no end, and said "Later, Hagane no Chibi-san!" He then shifted into a bird, flying away and out of the portal, which was still connected to Yu-Gi-Oh! land. "Damn you, palm-tree head, you and your shapeshifting!" Ed shouted, not really caring if Envy heard him or not.

Back in Yu-Gi-Oh! land, Mokuba had entered the room. He took one look at his older brother, and said "You've been eating sugar again, haven't you?"

Seto's eyes got all shifty, and he got on the floor and inched away like an inchworm.

"God, Onii-san, you're starting to really worry me!" Mokuba sighed, and exited normally.

Envy saw this bizarre spectacle, and said quietly "Those two reminds me of Pippy-Squeaky and his beloved tin can of a brother. That makes three pairs of brothers that are alike--the Elrics, the Tringhams, and the Kaibas. That's just weird." He then jumped into the portal and happened to land in the ruins of Lior.


	7. Sly Cooper Land

"How long are these portals going to keep on appearing for?" Shippo asked rhetorically, annoyed.

"I actually think they're kind of fun!" Colette said brightly.

"Speak for yourself!" Lloyd groaned, looking slightly green.

"Aw god, where are we now?" Zelos exclaimed.

"Who knows," Ed grumbled, "We could be anywhere!"

"It might be a good idea for us to identify our surroundings," Presea said, in her robotic, emotionally-deprived voice, a habit she was desperately trying to break now that she was no longer troubled by what had caused it.

"Good idea, Presea!" Genis said.

The group of twenty split up into ten pairs of two so that they could cover more ground in the same amount of time. The groups:

Lloyd and Colette

Genis and Raine

Ed and Al

Presea and Regal

Zelos and Miroku

Kaoru and Kenshin

Shippo and InuYasha

Sheena and Misao

Yahiko and Kratos

Sango and Kagome

Everyone went different ways, agreeing to meet up again in about an hour. That search turned out to be a fruitless one, so they regrouped and set up camp at the meeting place. As everyone started to fall asleep, the already half asleep Yahiko jumped up, startling everyone.

"Where's Sanosuke?" he asked. Everyone but the newest additions to the group gasped as they realized Sanosuke had mysteriously disappeared!

"When did he--?" Kenshin asked, shocked.

"It must have been after we crossed that bridge," Ed reasoned, trying to stay calm.

"I'm worried now," Kaoru said, sounding exactly as she said.

"So not only are we lost, but we've been separated from this Sanosuke person as well?" Lloyd asked, trying to understand what was going on. Everyone sat down to think.

"Sanosuke never fought against you, did he?" Kaoru asked the Tales of Symphonia section of their group.

"He couldn't have," Yahiko realized, "because I don't remember hearing him getting all pumped up for a fight like he usually does." The others that knew Sano agreed.

"What should we do?" Colette asked, her kind nature causing her to be as worried as everyone else, even though she had no clue who Sanosuke was.

"At this point, I doubt that there is anything that we can do but wait," Kratos said, somehow still managing to maintain his emotionless, level, and calm voice.

"Maybe this is all just a bad dream," Kagome said, trying to be optimistic.

"Kagome could be right." Colette said optimistically, "let's all go to sleep and see how things are in the morning." Agreeing to this since there was nothing else to do, they all went and worried themselves to sleep.

The next morning, nothing had changed. They were still in the same weird place in one huge group. So their predicament wasn't a dream, after all. It was reality, cold, hard, brutal reality. Although nobody really wanted to explore at the early hour of the morning that it was, they sort of had no choice because they had to find food. Pairing up again, they all went out and searched for breakfast.

Edward and Alphonse were again paired up, and they were walking one way through the forest.

"I'm so freakin hungry!" Ed whined. His stomach grumbled loudly, and so he started whining about his hunger again. Al seemed to ignore his complaints.

"Nii-san, are those what I think they are?" he said, pointing to a nearby bush and seeming slightly bewildered.

"What? Al, are they berries--WHAT THE HELL?" Ed asked excitedly, however his enthusiasm turned into disgust and bewilderment.

"M-Milk bottles? On a bush? WHY MILK?" he shouted to the sky in agony. Al again seemed to somehow ignore his brother, who was now throwing a temper tantrum like a two year old, and collected the milk off of the bush.

"We should head back now," he said, sighing and picking Ed up by his jacket collar.

Elsewhere, Kaoru and Kenshin were climbing down a steep pile of rocks, searching like the others for food. Kaoru's hand slipped, and so she proceeded to fall the final five feet to the ground. Kenshin caught her about five inches from the ground, however, so she didn't get as badly hurt as she thought she would.

"Kaoru-dono, are you all right?" he asked.

"Y-yes, I'm fine," she said, still a little shaky from her close encounter. They stayed like that for a minute, until Kaoru realized their positions. "You know, you can let me down anytime soon," she snapped. Kenshin immediately got the point, and, in order to stop the awkward moment, put her down. That little incident over, they continued their search as if nothing had happened.

Shippo and Presea had been teamed up together, something that was a little awkward at first, but now they could talk freely as friends. Since Presea was only a little taller than Shippo was, he found it easier to talk to her than to the other, taller people. They were walking, talking, and searching all at the same time when Presea suddenly stopped. She had heard a rustling in the bushes, a fact that scared Shippo. Brazenly, Presea pushed through the bushes to see what it was--and found Sanosuke.

"Sanosuke! Where have you been?" Shippo exclaimed, bravely coming up behind Presea to see what it was.

"I'd love to tell you what happened, believe me, and I would if I could. But I have no clue either, so I can't." Sanosuke said.

"We should return to camp, so you can get some rest" Presea said.

Back at camp, everyone except for Sheena and Misao's team had returned.

"Let's see...Milk berries, milk bottles, milk bananas, milk flowers, Sanosuke, milk, milk, and more milk!" Kagome said, reviewing what they had collected. Every time that she had said the word 'milk', Edward sank lower and lower to the floor. At the end, he was flat on the ground and whining about how there was nothing to eat. When Kaoru was about to point out the plethora of milk products, Al explained that Ed abhorred milk, so it was like they hadn't gotten anything at all to him.

Meanwhile, Misao and Sheena were still out exploring when they came upon the grounds of an ancient temple.

"Wow! Look at this stuff!" Sheena exclaimed, "Raine would totally go nuts if she saw this."

"Let's see what we can find around here," Misao decided. Sheena agreed to this, so they began searching the stone temple and the grounds around it. There were several towers and trees connected by vines and moss. One side of the temple even had an old building swaying on a rickety old pillar in the air!

"This place is pretty cool!" Misao said.

"Shhh!" Sheena hissed suddenly, "Someone's coming!" Not knowing if they were about to encounter a friend or foe, they took the safe route and hid behind a nearby clump of bushes. A rhino holding a really bright flashlight stomped by, a decidedly unfriendly look on his face. After he passed, they were about to come out of hiding and explore some more, when another surprise hit them.

"I didn't expect anyone else here," a voice said behind them. Both kunoichi jumped and whirled to face the owner of the voice: a raccoon with a blue jacket and cap. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"We're a little lost, and so we found this place while exploring and trying to find where we are." Misao explained.

The raccoon said "Just making sure you weren't an enemy. By the way, I'm Sly Cooper, a master thief of the Cooper clan."

Sheena said "Um, okay then, Sly, nice meeting you, but we have to get back to where our friends are, so maybe we'll see you later!"

"Right, maybe you will," Sly said, then slinked away into the darkness.

When the two girls finally returned tot he camp, they were almost drowned by their comrades, who had been worried about them after they didn't return for two hours. This of course meant that they had to explain everything. As Sheena had said, the minute that they mentioned the ruins, Raine started to have archeological mania spasms, as she always did when ruins, artifacts, and things like that were in question. She quickly suggested—or, more accurately, demanded—that they go visit the ruins that very moment, a suggestion that was almost as quickly responded to with a flat out 'NO' from everyone else. Since her desire to visit the ruins persisted, they finally agreed to go the next morning.

The next morning, at about seven o' clock, the people that weren't already up were woken up by an impatient Raine. In less than half an hour, everyone but Raine grumbling in annoyance, they hurried off to the ruins so that they could investigate it.

At the temple, everything was eerily silent. Other than their rather large group, there was absolutely nobody.

"I...have a bad feeling," Kenshin said.

"Yeah," Shippo agreed nervously. The others chimed in, agreeing with Shippo and Kenshin. Only Raine said nothing; she was too busy inspecting every inch of the temple in minute detail. She was about five feet along the first wall when above them they heard a

"Pssst!" Everyone jumped, startled, and looked up to see Sly, who jumped down to talk to them.

Sheena and Misao said "Hi!", but Sly quickly hissed "Shh! Rajan, a member of the Klaww Gang, is looking for me! If he sees you guys, we probably don't want to know what would happen! You should run and hide as fast as you guys can!" Before they could ask about this matter, a growl sounded from above them, sounding like it came almost from where Sly had been a minute ago.

"I'll be fine, now you go!" Sly said, interrupting the beginning of a comment that would have come from Kaoru. Nobody hesitated after that. They split up, curiously into trios, and ran to congregate somewhere safer. Where they regrouped was at a stairway into the stone temple. Deciding this would be the best escape route, they hurried down, only to find themselves falling into a portal a second later.


	8. Saiyuki Land

Regal tried to brush the sand off of him, but his shackles made the attempt futile. He sighed. The sand would just have to stay there, yet another reminder of the sin he had committed. The surrounding area was nothing but sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, the rest of the large party he was traveling with, sand, sand, and more sand. Ed, who had just gotten up, stated flatly "Okay, the setting and lack of food here reminds me of a similar, slightly unpleasant experience in Lior—wait a minute…" Ed looked around, and then exclaimed, "Don't tell me he sank i again /i ! Al? Did you sink? Al? Al! AL!" A roar of sand being moved exposed a huge armored hand, obviously Alphonse's. "Here, Nii-san; sorry, but I sank again!" the metallic echo of Al's voice said. Lloyd and Sanosuke helped Ed to pull Al back up above the sand.

There was a strange rumbling sound in the distance, and many of them turned to see if they could figure out what it was. Eventually, those with extremely good ears could discern other sounds besides the rumble.

"I hear….voices," Kenshin stated.

"They seem to be having an argument," Kratos agreed.

"What are they saying?" Shippo asked curiously.

Kratos seemed willing to tell him, but Kenshin smiled kindly and said "A child shouldn't be exposed to such things as what they are saying."

Colette, who had attained excellent hearing and sight, said, "I wonder if they're married, they sure sound like it! Oh, wow, what's that?" and she pointed to the source of the rumbling, which was now determined to be making a dust cloud. Upon closer examination, the dust cloud was found to be the result of a Jeep driving across the desert. The Jeep came right up to them, stopped, and four men got out.

"What's a bunch of people like you doing in a place like this? Are you lost?" asked a kind looking, smiling man wearing a monocle.

"Getting lost when you have this many lovely ladies? A shame on you, men!" scolded a man with long pink hair and a cigarette. Zelos and Miroku bristled ever so slightly at this, but nobody seemed to notice.

"I see a fellow holy priest is among you," noted a man dressed in monk robes, with a scroll on his shoulders. This scripture interested Miroku, and he seemed to recognize it. "I see, you are a monk of high rank, as you carry the Maten Scripture on your shoulders," Miroku said respectfully. The pink haired man said "Okay, that's enough. You guys need our help or not?" to which the smiling, spectacled man said "Now Gojyo, we've already offered our help, it would be rude to retract it now. Come with us, we'll find food and board for all of us in the next town."

"I'm hungry!" a boy with brown hair and a golden headband complained, which sparked a war between him and the pink haired man. This scuffle was stopped by the priest, who whacked both of them with his fan.

On the way to where they were to eat and sleep, the Rhodes Tavern, everyone introduced themselves. The smiling man with the monocle was Cho Hakkai, known as Hakkai. The pink haired man with a cigarette and perverted air was Sha Gojyo, or Gojyo. The priest was Kouryuu, but had the holy name of Genjyo Sanzou, but was known, as most priests of his stature were, as Sanzou. The boy that said he had been hungry was Son Goku.

At the nearby tavern, Ed was gobbling down food faster than it could be handed to him. Yahiko and InuYasha, although they, too, were consuming a considerable amount, were coming nowhere near Ed's progress. "It seems you really were hungry," Hakkai said. Gojyo agreed "Yeah, at this rate, you might even beat monkey boy's food consuming record—the only thing he holds dear, really."

"What was that?" Goku yelled, mostly angry that Gojyo had called him a monkey again.

"I said that you're going to be beaten in the eating department," Gojyo rephrased, gesturing to Ed, who was still gobbling the whole time. "Aw yeah, food!" Goku yelled, suddenly realizing what he was eating, and sat down to eat some as well.

Sanzou, noting how InuYasha, Ed, and Yahiko were eating, and knowing all too well how Goku ate, said "I think the rest of us should eat something before it's too late," and so everyone did so, only just getting their fill before the tavern had to close the restaurant because it ran out of food.

The tavern owner, who owed Sanzou a huge debt, repaid it by giving the large group free food and board. The small tavern only had eight rooms, so everyone had to split up and share rooms. Gojyo, Miroku, and Zelos occupied room one; however Gojyo's joy of not sharing a room with Goku was short-lived, as Goku was soon added to the room's roster. Room two was Kratos, InuYasha, Kenshin and Yahiko. Room three was the only co-ed room, with Kagome, Sango and Shippo. Room four was occupied by Sheena, Misao, and Kaoru; room five was Genis, Sanosuke, and Lloyd, and room seven was Presea, Raine, and Colette. Room eight was Ed and Al's room; even though they were only two it was the only way that they could stay together. As it was already very late, everyone went to their respective rooms.

In room one, after yet another one of the traditional and constant fights between Gojyo and Goku, which had lasted an hour, Zelos pulled Miroku and Gojyo aside. "I say we sneak into the girls' rooms tonight!" he said, a smile on his lips.

"I like how you think!" Gojyo grinned.

Miroku closed his eyes solemnly, but that was not enough to conceal his joy and excitement at the prospect. "Okay, what's the plan?" he asked.

"Well, first we have to sneak out of the room unnoticed, and then—"

"Are you planning on raiding the kitchen without me!" Goku interrupted, enraged at the very thought of such a dastardly deed.

Gojyo, as always, was the one to retort, saying "Who said anything about food, you stupid monkey! Besides, the kitchen's all out, or don't you remember that you helped eat everything!"

"I'm not a monkey and I'm not stupid, you shithead pervy kappa!" Goku screamed.

"Oh yeah? Only monkeys scream!" Gojyo screamed back.

"Well then, you must be a monkey! Why else would you be screaming!"

"So I can be heard over you!"

Just then, the usual one to stop the fight, Sanzou, burst in, bellowing "Shut up! Just…SHUT UP!" which quieted the quarrelling youkai at once. "We don't need to hear your lover's quarrel!" Gojyo and Goku were silent. "THANK you!" he said, and slammed the door. Goku muttered "The hell with this, I'm going to bed." There was a silence, and Zelos said "Good. Now the adults can have a little fun."

In room six, Sanzou was holding his head in his hand. "Those morons gave me a headache again," he grumbled.

"Sounds normal," Hakkai said.

"So, this is how you have to live every day?" Regal asked.

"Pretty much," laughed Hakkai.

"I see…" Regal mumbled before disappearing into thought.

Room two was four of the swordsman of the group: Kratos, InuYasha, Yahiko, and Kenshin. They were sitting in silence, which suited Kenshin and Kratos well. InuYasha figured that there was nothing better to do, so he, too, was silent, and Yahiko's silence was mostly because he didn't want to complain, since then there was a good chance he would be classified as the child of the group. Therefore, all four just sat there in silence.

Room three was the only room with both boys and girls occupying it, since it was Shippo, Kagome, and Sango. Shippo and Kagome were already asleep, but Sango had a feeling that the ever lecherous/perverted Miroku and company were up to something, so she stayed awake, one hand ready and waiting to greet any perverts with a mouthful of demon-bone boomerang.

Room four was occupied by a very worried trio of Kaoru, Misao, and Sheena. They were worried because of a similarity between Japanese and Mizuhoan culture: that the number four could also be interpreted as death in their native languages, and was therefore bad luck. It was going to be a long, tense night for them.

Lloyd, Sanosuke, and Genis were in room five, all three obviously bored out of their skulls.

"I think…" Genis started.

"I'm going to die…" continued Sanosuke.  
"…Of boredom." Finished Lloyd miserably.

They all sighed and flopped on their beds. A few moments later, Lloyd popped back up, exclaiming "I know! Let's go for a walk! Sure beats being bored here!"

"For once, you've got a good idea, Lloyd!" Genis exclaimed, standing up.

"All right, let's go!" Sanosuke yelled, jumping up, getting pumped for the walk. On the way outside, they passed Miroku, Zelos, and Gojyo, who seemed to be acting extra sneaky. Deciding that they probably didn't even want to know, they continued on their quest for a walk.

The last of the girls in the large group, Colette, Presea, and Raine, had room seven. Raine was sitting at the desk, recording an account of the recent events, putting the most detail and enthusiasm into the latest adventure at the ruins of the ancient temple. Colette was hovering in the air, cheerfully singing a song in angelic language, and Presea was sitting on her bed, carving several charms of a multi-colored dragon, one for everyone in the group. Upon Colette's awed exclamation of their beauty, followed by a trip and fall as she landed to examine them, Presea explained that this charm was for safe journeys, especially into new places.

The last room, number eight, contained Ed and Al. Ed was very disturbed by the décor: pictures of miniskirts on the wall, and furniture themed thinking tropical, with pineapples, coconuts, and palm trees. There was a coconut table, a pineapple chair, and a palm tree bed, which had the trunk as a mattress and leaves as a bed. The other bed was shaped like a pineapple; Al took this one as he couldn't fit on the skinny trunk of the palm tree. Upon examining the pineapple bed closer, he discovered that it had a sort of automatic canopy. He was thrilled by this, and immediately tried it on and off several times. "I think I'll be busy with this most of the night, so good night," he said happily, his voice fading as the canopy closed over him.

Ed smiled. "All right. Good night, Al," came out of his mouth before he returned to the book he was reading, which was about ways to increase height.

Sango was just starting to settle down and go to sleep when she sensed that something was up. In the other rooms, Sheena and Presea sensed it as well, and alerted the others in their rooms. What they sensed was, unmistakably, the eerie feeling of 'perverts on the prowl'. Although there was no actual communication between the three rooms, they all ended up with the same plan: to wait until the perpetrator entered, then ambush them.

Simultaneously, all three doors creaked open, and a man snuck in. Again, with no communication, the silent countdown to attack was synchronized with not only the members of each room, but of the three rooms together.

i Three… /i 

The perpetrator's head saw no signs of trouble, and opened the door to allow the rest of himself in.

i Two… /i 

He crept towards the nearest bed…

i One… /i 

He was in position for attack…

"NOW!"

The signal was heard from rooms seven, four, and three, coming from eight female voices, and one small male voice squeaked as Shippo was rudely awakened.

"Gotcha!" the girls yelled, having pinned the three perverts. Their plans were foiled, and they were in for a very long and rather unpleasant remainder of the night.

In the morning, Miroku, Zelos, and Gojyo were nowhere to be found. They didn't turn up at breakfast and they weren't in their room. While all of the males of the group were kind of worried, the females were, surprisingly, hardly acknowledging the matter. The reason for their heartless behavior became apparent when the group exited the tavern. Gojyo, Zelos, and Miroku were badly bruised, disheveled, and tied to a tree. The word 'Ecchi' was carved on a sign hanging over them. With a long stream of reprimands, they were eventually set free, and the group began to leave. However, at the exit to town, two people blocked their way.

"We cannot allow you to pass!" a tall man with long, pink hair in a unique style of ponytails said.

"Why not, hairdo?" Goku demanded.

"Like I'd tell a monkey," the pin haired man retorted; Gojyo accidentally let a snort slip at this man's agreement with his views.

"Who are they?" Sango asked Hakkai.

"The pink haired one is Kougaiji, and the purple haired woman is Yaone," Hakkai supplied, "They are, in a sense, our enemies, as they do ultimately belong to the other side of the conflict, but they're not so bad. There are a few others in his group; I wonder why they aren't here?"

Sango took all this in, nodded in understanding, and did all this just in time to hear Kougaiji speak.

"I'm telling you, don't go this way!" he yelled, "something is happening out there, and you don't want to get involved!"

Ed countered "You don't want us to get involved, huh? Is it because you're really trying to help us, or is it because you don't want us interfering?"

Kougaiji jumped down in front of Ed. After a long moment, he asked a very strange question.

"Do I know you?" he asked, staring down at Ed.

"How would that be possible if we exist on different planes of existence?" Ed wondered, "and yet, I share your feeling that we have met somewhere. I feel a strong connection to you…"

Kougaiji knelt down so that his height was level with Ed's.

"Wh-wha-" Ed stuttered, instantly snapping into offensive defense mode, as he always did when his height was brought into the picture.

"Sorry if this annoys you, but I thought it'd be easier if we were on the same level, being that I'm a pretty tall person, demon or not."

Ed's face turned a pretty crimson; this was one of the few times someone hadn't said he was unusually short, but instead said that they happened to be unusually tall.

"Um…th-thanks," he said, "it's very kind of you to think of that."

"Hah! You've got that right, pip-squeak!" a familiar malicious voice cut through the air. "Sorry to interrupt such a i touching /i moment, but I can never resist torturing munchkins, especially ones that sleep on me!" Envy said silkily from the window of room eight.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ed snapped at the unwelcome guest. Envy seemed a little annoyed at his comment.

"Oh, the ignorance! I let you sleep on my body, sacrifice my hair for the comfort of your tiny little head, and yet you forget my kindness? How cruel to me! How cruel to my hair!" he whined.

Ed paled visibly as he realized that the bed he had slept on was, apparently, actually Envy. "You disgusting pervert!" he yelled at the agonizing former bed. His crocodile tears soon stopped, however, as he and all other members of the assembled group with exceptionally good hearing had their ears pricked.

"Something's coming," Kougaiji said tensely, "Yaone, let's go. We gave them our warning; it is up to them now whether or not to heed it."

Yaone nodded, and disappeared ahead of her lord.

Turning to Ed, Kougaiji whispered "It seems we have a sort of special connection…I think we'll be meeting again" before he, too, disappeared.

A dust cloud came rushing through the town towards the group, large bangs emitting from it with no apparent pattern. Everyone stared in confusion as the cloud seemed to move straight for them. The cloud was about fifty feet away when they could clearly see that it was caused by two people: an obviously enraged Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye chasing and shooting at an obviously terrified Colonel Roy Mustang. The chase seemed to be going at hyper speed, and before anyone could comprehend what was going on, there was a loud thud, and a smaller cloud of dust arose from where Roy had knocked Ed over. The Colonel blinked as the shock of the impact hit him, and noticed that he was lying on top of a subordinate of his that he had not seen for a while.

"Oh, hello, Fullmetal," he said, "No wonder we haven't been able to find you, looks like you've been under the radar—not only in location, as you're not in Amestris, but in height, since it took me falling on top of you to see you." The resulting furious kick in the groin made the Colonel groan, and he shuddered, spreading out eagle-style over Ed, whimpering slightly. This was obviously not the reaction Ed wanted, because his face quickly became contorted with rage.

"The idea is to get off of me, you bastard!" he screamed in the whimpering Colonel's ear.

"Yes, get off of O-Chibi-san," Envy agreed, "It doesn't make for a pretty image." He flipped his hair for effect.

"No, I won't!" the Colonel yelled. His remark brought an extremely awkward silence, which lasted for several minutes, broken only slightly by the shuffling and grumbling from Ed, who tried to get away from his captor. Giving up on forcing his way out, he decided to ask the burning question.

"Why the hell won't you get off of me?" he asked, finding himself fearing the possible answers.

"I'm too scared to! If I get off of you, she'll shoot me!" the Colonel squealed, pointing a shaking finger at the livid Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"What, did you install a miniskirt dress code or something?" Ed asked, trying desperately to assess the situation, and therefore get the Colonel off of him—he was starting to feel the Colonel's weight crushing him.

Hawkeye sighed. "What else is new with him?" she asked rhetorically.

Just then, as Ed could swear that he was going to die under the Colonel, the ground shook, and a huge split in the earth opened beneath everyone.

As everyone fell, it was a complete commotion. The portion of the group that had gone through the portal business before simply fell with dignity, sitting and enjoying conversation, an art they had learned from falling through the portals at least three times. The new guys, who were right next to the veteran group, were acting as typical first-timers to this business should. Sanzou and Hakkai had quickly adapted: Sanzou was now learning to sit in midair and meditate, while Hakkai held Hakuryuu, who was chirping apprehensively. Goku and Gojyo were shrieking and crying, tears flying everywhere as they held each other close. Whenever they found a place to stop screaming, they babbled on about anything that came to mind: food, cigarettes, women, liquor, where the hell were they, cheese, and chocolate; anything, everything, and nothing all at once. Envy, Roy, and Riza made up another group. Riza was more falling all on her own, not showing any fear if she felt it. Roy and Envy, after they had finished screaming like a pair of little girls, were now deep in an argument about something; apparently it had to do with Ed, as he was pointed at several times. It took all of two minutes for Ed to lose his temper and start screaming at them, telling them that they were both bastards that were pissing him off, so they should shut up. Shockingly, they obeyed, and hit an alternate current in the portal, so that Riza, Roy, and Envy went one way, and the 'official' group went the other.


End file.
